Thursday, April 17, 2014

My Name is Lydia, and I’m a Gym Rat


Published 4/17/2014


Hey guys, it’s me…nope, I’m still not a regularly working actor, thanks for asking. Seriously, everyone I know has been asking me how acting is going lately- but usually they ask me while I’m at work, as in the gym that I’m employed at for embarrassingly scant wages. Since I’m not on set when they ask me this and my face isn’t on any billboards, you’d think they would already have the answer to their own question but no, I guess it needs to be confirmed. Maybe they think I’m doing Method work for an upcoming role or something?

Anywho, I’ve been at this particular gym for almost six months and I’ve started to notice a few alarming trends in my behavior. I think I’m becoming that person about the gym… I think I might be a gym rat and I think it’s too late to turn back. There was a time when I had nothing but disdain for people who somehow managed to workout or at least do some approximation of working out for the entire duration of my shift. There just aren’t enough muscle groups in the world and I know this is LA but you cannot seriously tell me that you have nothing else better to do for six hours! That was how I used to think, but yesterday I realized that I’d been lingering at the desk for about 45 minutes after the class I’d taken ended and after I’d finished my shift.  How did this happen?!

To say I’ve always been enthusiastic about wellness in general would be an understatement. I considered being a personal trainer for years and I always work out, but I think I’ve recently descended to another, scarier level. Fitspo board on Pinterest? Yep, I’ve got one. Do I hang out with members outside of work? Guilty. Do the subjects of “carb cycling” and “counting macros” surface in my conversations more than once a week? Sigh. Am I following the Quest bar lawsuit, whilst eschewing all other inferior protein bars? You got me.  

There was a time when I was still friendly towards people who work out less than five times a week but I fear that those days may be coming to an end. Not only am I becoming a gym rat, but I’m even more of a health snob than I was before. Some would blame this on my full immersion in this LA lifestyle- I’m probably one step away from joining a startup cult- but the truth is that I’ve always been pretty keen on preserving myself. Not to be cheesy , but exercise is important and also have you seen the smog here? Angelenos can’t afford not to be  fit.  So basically what started as fun has become silent judgment towards people who don’t take advantage of farmers’ markets. Like, if you don’t like kale we probably can’t be friends. Just kidding, but really I’m kind of serious.

So that’s that. I just hope that I never become the girl who has a full face of makeup on at a seven AM spin class. If you ever see me doing anything like that, you are cordially invited to punch me in the face because it means I’ve lost my damn mind. 

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Because of Course!


Published 4/4/2014


So last night, I mistakenly assumed that I could casually go to the Arclight for an advance screening of Cuban Fury (which by the way has caused me to love Rashida Jones even more), making little to no effort regarding my appearance because I had just gotten off of work and no one would be paying attention to me anyway, right? Nope! Because of course there would be a series finale premier of Mad Men happening at the very same time. This of course meant that I received many a side-eye from multiple people that essentially said, “Who the hell is this basic girl and why is she wearing flats?!” But whatever, I got to see the miniatures used in The Grand Budapest Hotel, which reminded me why I love the Arclight and why I love Wes Anderson even more.

Anywho, I’ve been having a day. Firstly, I’ve been fighting off some sort of respiratory-congestion-fun. Most people would just go to the doctor, but I can’t because while my job told me in no uncertain terms that they most certainly will not offer me benefits because of my part-time status and provided documentation that said as much, good ol’ Covered California is not convinced. This means that I get to remain in a murky, uninsured limbo. So that’s cool. #murica

Nonetheless, impending iron lung aside, I planned to finally do some writing because I’ve been putting it off for far too long. All I have to do is go get my oil changed and then I can spend the whole day getting my Dan Humphrey on and drinking tea and pretending that I’m much more literarily astute than I really am… maybe get my hands on some opium or at the very least a little absinthe because that’s what good writers do, right? That’s what I thought. That is what was supposed to happen. What actually happened is that I went to get my oil changed and found out that all four of my tires are dangerously bald (that explains that clicking sound) and need to be replaced. All four of them! Who wants to buy four tires on a Thursday morning? I wouldn’t have nearly enough time to dabble in antiquated hallucinogens! So I spent a large part of the day pricing tires and being put on hold and doing a lot of creative accounting because apparently one should be able to pay for auto repairs when one is an adult. #starvingartist #isittoolateforlawschool?

So after that nonsense played out I decided to go to Victoria’s Secret to get my free panties to cheer myself up because why not? Seriously, they never stop sending those coupons. And also the person who lived in my apartment before I did refuses to change her address so I get multiple pairs every month. When the highlight of your day is a free piece of cotton it sometimes causes you to reevaluate your life but oh well. #lifehacks #freestuff #sorryimnotsorry  So as I walked by Zales, one of the associates asked if I’d like to open an account there. Obviously, she couldn’t have known the day I’d been having but even still, do I look like someone who can BUY DIAMONDS right now? Diamonds! Hmmmm? Nope! No, that’s not going to happen. Sigh. So that’s me. Also, I forgot how awful apartment hunting in LA is. How did I find the place I live in now? How?!

Well good night world. I’ll just be over here stressing about things I can’t control…

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Moineau


Published 3/18/14


That’s the name of my brand ya’ll!  

So guys, remember when I said I was going to make the scarf that Katniss wore in Catching Fire? Well I did and it came out looking like this. 


I thought that maybe I was the only dork who was more concerned with this scarf/cowl/wrap than the plot of the movie but it turns out that the entire Internet had already become obsessed and rightly so. When I tried to find people selling it I was successful, but they were charging far too much and I decided to do it myself.  

Anywho, I have a few other pieces in my repertoire- leg warmers, sleeveless gloves, infinity scarves, shorts- yes I’m going to make crochet shorts cool- and people have been continuously telling me that I should Etsy it up, so I finally have.  Of course this proved to be far more complicated than I thought it would be because it involved using technology, and registering for what I’m not entirely convinced is the correct seller’s permit but whatevs- I’m making stuff and it’s for sale.

I’ve sold a few pieces in real life, but I figured I would branch out and see what comes of it. So that’s happening. #Crochet #crafty #entrepreneur #yarn

*moineau: (mwuh-no) French for sparrow*


Saturday, March 8, 2014

PS. : Talkies!


Published 3/8/2014

P.S.

My blog now comes with these newfangled talking pictures! Sometimes my videos will pertain to the blog; sometimes they’ll have a theme; you may occasionally get a sketch or short, and sometimes, like today, they will be completely irrelevant. Because, why not? 

Also, it took me way longer to figure out how to convert files with iPhoto than I care to admit. That is all. 


The Other Side of the Table


Published 3/8/2014


Oh that’s right, I do have a blog. I really don’t understand people who blog every day. Either they don’t have jobs or they’re the robots who generate those loathsome, indecipherable captchas. Anywo, I’d like to say that I haven’t been writing as much because I’ve been acting, or taking meetings about other things I’ve written but alas, that is not the case. Work, job/apartment hunting and trying to figure out how much paperwork I need to file for a small business have been taking up all of my time.

So about acting: today I helped a friend judge auditions for his dance company and O.M.G! Being on the other side of the table was a mind blowing experience. Granted, a dance audition and an acting one are two different beasts, but the general concept is the same. I have to say, for the few hours that I held a modicum of power over the careers of other people, I learned a lot. I actually have a little sympathy for casting directors now because WHAT THE EFFING EFF?!! That’s what I wanted to yell at some of the people we saw. Is this what CDs have to put up with every day? No wonder they don’t smile.  I spent most of the day being amazed by the talented dancers and equally flabbergasted by the other “dancers” who just need help with life.

Fellow actors and anyone else who plans to attend an audition of any kind: these are things you should not do. You would think this stuff would be common sense but, umm, nope!

HEADSHOTS:

Guys- why are your hands under you chin? Are you five years old? Are you a cartoon puppy? No? Then cut that shit out! Why are you doing a “character” shot where you’re dressed as a fireman? Is this a selfie? Did you print this on regular paper? Is there something really distracting in the background? Maybe these are good ideas? Wait… nope! They’re not good ideas. Don’t do this stuff please!

LYING ON YOUR RESUME:

Oh did you say you’ve had 12 years of ballet training but you don’t know the difference between a tendu and a degage?  Do you think maybe you can just fake your way through speaking Czech or riding side-saddle? Did you say you could do a front handspring when you really meant one-handed cartwheel? Saying you can do these things might get you in the room but you will only waste everyone’s time, make yourself look really, really dumb and also, piss off the CDs who will expect to see a flame thrower if you said you were in fact a flame thrower. Don’t lie.

BEING A COCKY ASSHOLE:

Don’t do it. Be confident, yes. Be yourself, definitely, but don’t be ridiculous. The overly confident never know the sides, or in this case the steps, and if they do, they are so, so very sloppy. You can’t coast through your “audition life” by freestyling, or improv if you’re an actor. I would suggest having a plan. That plan is being prepared. Know your lines- just a suggestion.

So those are some of the things you shouldn’t do. I have to say that my casting experience was totally worth it for the conspiratorial asides with my fellow CDs, the privilege of seeing a couple awesome male dancers (When men are good at ballet they are GREAT), and the over the top “jazz faces” that a couple of the girls were giving us. If you’ve never seen a jazz face, you’re really missing out.  Anywho, casting is fun ya’ll.